A Well-Rounded Venture

In a social setting, the majority of the conversations I have that involve another woman end up mentioning either weight loss or some kind of body hate. Strangers, friends and sometimes even family. This isn’t a new trend. Different groups of people of all ages, places and backgrounds but one constant theme – get a group of women together and negative body image is bound to come up.

Not always in the same form – jokes, serious discussion, asking for advice, etc. I’m definitely not perfect. I’ve made remarks about myself, occasionally others. Beating people to the punch with my own fat girl joke? Been there, done that, bought the XXXL t-shirt. Made a joke at someone else’s expense? I’ve done that too.

Nobody is perfect. After all, we live in a society that is a breeding ground for these kind of behaviors. The kind that fuel several multimillion dollar industries – diet, fashion and beauty, to name a few. Not that it is an excuse, simply observation.

In my experience, conversation in groups (that are predominantly female) can sound something like this:

“Well, I lost 5 pounds this week. Yay!”
“That’s great!”
“Congrats!”
“… Hey, I found your 5 pounds over here!” *grabs body part*

Exchanges like this often segue into conversations that give everyone an opportunity to “share”. Can you hear my enthusiasm? Like a tsunami of body hate – it takes over, swirling madly around everyone in its path. A negative comment is an open invitation to voice your own insecurities with your body. It is like some kind of masochistic bonding ritual.

The real funny thing is how you are treated if you neglect to participate, or *gasp* say something positive about yourself, instead of indulging in the negativity. I’ve done both. The reactions vary. I’ve been prodded – in a, “You’re kidding, right?” manner. The conversation has stopped then changed subject. I’ve been stared at. I’ve been ignored. Jokes have been made. Failing to participate apparently isn’t tolerated.

Like nobody can believe the fat girl has nothing negative to say about herself?

To be honest, I find it absolutely hilarious. Part of it is the irony in being the fattest woman in the room. There is satisfaction, even humor (to me) in being at least 100 lbs heavier than someone lamenting for 10 minutes about being “fat”, then not engaging in the same destructive behavior. I am well aware that insecurities are possessed by everyone, regardless of size but at the very least? It is extremely rude.

Hands down, my favorite conversation consisted of myself and two women significantly smaller than me. In a nutshell – a very successful, amazing woman, approaching her 40′s, exercises daily and eats a balanced diet. Despite her efforts, weight is not coming off as she hoped and this is devastating – a personal failure. The other woman asks questions regarding the exercise, diet, etc. confirming the habits, a discussion of establishing muscle and the end conclusion is, “Well, you’re doing everything you can for the health of your body. That is definitely something to be proud of! Isn’t that what is important in the end? Your health?” And this woman says, “No! I don’t care about my health. I want the 15 pounds to be gone.” I had, of course, stopped participating in this conversation early on and I’m pretty sure my jaw hit the floor with her last exclamation.

Are you kidding me?

This is why I can’t be friends with (most) women or join groups that are predominantly women. It drives me crazy to be constantly surrounded by this kind of crap. An endless stream of body negativity that can be triggered by anything? And to be ostracized because I refuse to participate? Give me a break.

There are exceptions to the rule. I can’t completely rid my life of these experiences because I do have friends and family afflicted by these behaviors. But at the same time, they are more likely to be more understanding of my views or possess some other redeeming quality for me to keep them around (ha ha). Fortunately the internet has given me the opportunity to meet like-minded people interested in things like size/fat acceptance, HAES, etc. which give me hope for the future! I’ve met some very good friends through communities like Fatshionista and the Fatosphere in general.